so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
