Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
