Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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