And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
