my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
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