we have officially lost it.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
