i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
