lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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