If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
