My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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