I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Randomize
