Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
