I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Randomize
