Dual....:-)
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
