i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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