We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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