I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
