i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
