my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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