just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
