why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
