Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Randomize
