you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
