my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
