3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
