Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
