I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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