So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
