I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
