can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
