Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
