He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
