Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
