Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
