fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
