You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
