it was like eating out sand paper
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
