Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
