just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
