I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
