How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I love you. Go after that dick
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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