1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
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