I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Randomize
