He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
He better not be in your backpack
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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