Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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