i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
