I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
