Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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