i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
