she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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