I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
