I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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