Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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