Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
