So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Randomize
