last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
