You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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