White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
