I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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