but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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