tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
