we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
