so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
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